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I know. I can hear your groans even as I type this: Staff vacancies, schedule holes, supply shortages, grumpy clients, phones that won’t shut up – why the heck does Jessica want to talk to me about this monster that stalks me daily?

That monster is a fixture in my life, too. But when I heard Brene Brown interview Dr. Emily Nagoski and Dr. Amelia Nagoski about their research and the resulting book, “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle,” I realized I did not fully understand stress. Improving my understanding has really helped me live more healthfully and happily in the presence of the monster.

So can we talk? For me, these are the big take-aways:

Separate the stress from the stressors. What most of us lump together into a pile we call “stress” is really two sides of an equation. Stress is what we feel - the physical and emotional response of our bodies and minds. The things that cause us to feel that way – the difficult situations, circumstances, and sometimes, let’s be honest, people - are called stressors. 

I’ve learned it is beneficial to my mental health to keep the stressors separated from the stress. Both need to be addressed, but in entirely different ways. 

Addressing the stress

It turns out that stress is a cycle that we humans need to complete to calm the physical and emotional responses and feel good again. 

The first step I take to address my stress is to acknowledge that I feel it and think about what caused it. If I have to push my feelings aside to continue my workday, I revisit it later and let myself really feel the emotions.

The next step is self-care. It’s not enough to go home and remove ourselves from the stressors at work. We need to do something to reset our bodies and minds and turn off the physical and emotional stress responses. You might watch a movie, work on your hobby, take a bath. The experts in the podcast suggest a physical activity, whether it be a walk, a run, dancing, stretching. The point is, you know what works for you, and the sense of relief that signifies success is evident.

It’s a temporary relief, especially when we have so many stressors coming at us in rapid-fire these days, but it is important because it resets our resilience! Without this reset, I do not have the strength and stamina to take on the issues behind the stress that my co-workers and I are feeling.

Take on the Stressors – in Public

To quote a Facebook post that has stuck with me for months: “No amount of pedicures or pizza lunches are going to fix this job.” 

You can buy lunch for the team after a crummy morning. Everybody likes to have their efforts acknowledged on a tough day, and we all need to eat. But the pizza doesn’t solve the problem that the team didn’t have time for a lunch break.

Fixing the underlying stressors takes people – often us managers – who identify the problem, find the best ways to address it, and, for the mental health of our whole team, publicly acknowledge the problem and communicate what we are doing about it. Giving staff a chance to share their ideas and be part of the solution helps everyone.

If you are trying to hire more support staff, tell the team you are interviewing. Literal bonus points: offer a referral bonus! I have shared even the bad news that a candidate was not the right fit, and we will keep looking. I firmly believe that transparency makes so much difference.

Assess Yourself

I am not going to lie; this one is hard. We all need to ask ourselves if we are taking on more stress more often than we need to. Many of us (including me) are. Case in point – that ringing, pinging, vibrating rectangle that’s likely in your hand, purse, or pocket right now.

As managers, we may not be able to use the “off” button very often. And none of us can or should try to restrict someone else from communicating when it is a good time for them. But I have realized I can control when I receive communication and when I respond to it. I’ve set a lot of notification restrictions on my phone so that I don’t get pinged for every email and Slack message. Everyone can reach me in an emergency, but a big part of self-care is realizing that not everything is an emergency.

Learning More

The podcast I referred to goes into considerable depth on the stress cycle, ways to complete it, and the dangers of not doing so, including burnout. You can listen to it or read a transcript here.

Please share the ways you’ve successfully worked through your stress or tamed a stressor in the comments – one of the essential benefits of VHMA membership is a caring and helpful community of colleagues.

Sincerely,
Jessica Speas, CVPM, SPHR, PHR-ca, SHRM-SCP, CCFP
VHMA President